Updated: Nov 13, 2020
find moments of calm when you can.
when you can't, find friends.
when you can't find friends, here's advice someone gave me once:
"find even the tiniest thing that brings you relief and crawl all the way inside it. for as long as you need to, just lean into that little bit of relief. maybe it's a crack of sunshine through a curtain in a mostly grey room or the texture of a soft shirt sleeve you're using to cry on. however small the relief is, focus all your energy into that tiny sensation for as long as you can, just lean all the way in.
i had no idea what she meant, until a week later -
after days of restless sleep and anxious thinking,
i went to the fridge for water in the middle of the night.
it was a humid summer night and my head had been aching for what seemed like forever. when i opened the fridge door, a light burst of cool air touched my forehead. it was such a small relief, but it relief nonetheless. without thinking, i leaned my head forward onto the edge of the fridge door and let the cool air drift into my skin. even though it was only a few centimeters of cool air and a couple minutes of bowing into a refrigerator doorway,
something did reset in me.